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This life came so close to never happening

June 4, 2009

Tocmai am mai văzut două filme mai vechi (unul din 1998 şi unul din 2002) dar de care eu nici măcar nu auzisem. Nu sunt două comendii romantice la care m-aş uita eu de obicei seara să mă destind şi să zâmbesc. Primul dintre ele, American History X, este genul de film dur şi absolut şocant la care pui mâinile la ochi în unele momente, genul de film care te face să îţi vină să arunci televizorul pe geam de revoltă, acel film la care vrei să nu te mai uiţi şi totuşi nu te poţi abţine să nu vezi ce se întâmplă până la capăt. Dar nu despre el vreau să vorbesc acum ci despre al doilea film, 25th Hour.

Cum ar fi să ştii că mâine pleci de tot din viaţa ta? Cum ar fi să te uiţi în ochii celor dragi şi să ştii că n-o să-i mai vezi niciodată? Pentru că să fim sinceri … şapte ani în Otisville sunt aproape imposibil de supravieţuit. Cum ar fi să mai fii liber doar pentru o singură zi? Cum ţi-ai drămui şi preţui libertatea? Poate că totul ar căpăta alt sens. Poate că oamenii dragi ţi-ar deveni brusc chinuitor de dragi. Poate că lucrurile pe care înainte nici nu le observai acum ar căpăta o importanţă covârşitoare pentru tine. Totul s-ar accentua. Ai trăi o viaţă întreagă în douăzeci şi patru de ore ştiind că în ora a douăzeci şi cincea nu mai ai nimic.

Aş putea să scriu pagini întregi despre asta şi despre impactul pe care l-a avut filmul asupra mea însă pasajele pe care vreau să le reproduc aici sunt destul de lungi şi trebuie citite şi recitite (după ce, evident aţi văzut filmul) pentru a fi înţelese şi a însemna ceva. 25th Hour este mai mult decât un film, este o adevărată literatură, o carte pe care ai reciti-o de o mie de ori şi i-ai găsi de fiecare dată o mie de înţelesuri diferite şi de fiecare dată te-ar marca şi mai mult.

Primul pasaj este cam de la începutul filmului ….

Well, fuck you, too. Fuck me, fuck you, fuck this whole city and everyone in it. Fuck the panhandlers, grubbing for money, and smiling at me behind my back. Fuck the squeegee men dirtying up the clean windshield of my car. Get a fucking job! Fuck the Sikhs and the Pakistanis bombing down the avenues in decrepit cabs, curry steaming out their pores, stinking up my day. Terrorists in fucking training. SLOW THE FUCK DOWN! Fuck the Chelsea boys with their waxed chests and pumped up biceps. Going down on each other in my parks and on my piers, jingling their dicks on my Channel 35. Fuck the Korean grocers with their pyramids of overpriced fruit and their tulips and roses wrapped in plastic. Ten years in the country, still no speaky English? Fuck the Russians in Brighton Beach. Mobster thugs sitting in cafés, sipping tea in little glasses, sugar cubes between their teeth. Wheelin’ and dealin’ and schemin’. Go back where you fucking came from! Fuck the black-hatted Chassidim, strolling up and down 47th street in their dirty gabardine with their dandruff. Selling South African apartheid diamonds! Fuck the Wall Street brokers. Self-styled masters of the universe. Michael Douglas, Gordon Gekko wannabe mother fuckers, figuring out new ways to rob hard working people blind. Send those Enron assholes to jail for FUCKING LIFE! You think Bush and Cheney didn’t know about that shit? Give me a fucking break! Tyco! Worldcom! Fuck the Puerto Ricans. 20 to a car, swelling up the welfare rolls, worst fuckin’ parade in the city. And don’t even get me started on the Dom-in-i-cans, ’cause they make the Puerto Ricans look good. Fuck the Bensonhurst Italians with their pomaded hair, their nylon warm-up suits, their St. Anthony medallions, swinging their, Jason Giambi, Louisville slugger, baseball bats, trying to audition for the Sopranos. Fuck the Upper East Side wives with their Hermes scarves and their fifty-dollar Balducci artichokes. Overfed faces getting pulled and lifted and stretched, all taut and shiny. You’re not fooling anybody, sweetheart! Fuck the uptown brothers. They never pass the ball, they don’t want to play defense, they take five steps on every lay-up to the hoop. And then they want to turn around and blame everything on the white man. Slavery ended one hundred and thirty seven years ago. Move the fuck on! Fuck the corrupt cops with their anus violating plungers and their 41 shots, standing behind a blue wall of silence. You betray our trust! Fuck the priests who put their hands down some innocent child’s pants. Fuck the church that protects them, delivering us into evil. And while you’re at it, fuck JC! He got off easy! A day on the cross, a weekend in hell, and all the hallelujahs of the legioned angels for eternity! Try seven years in fuckin’ Otisville, J! Fuck Osama Bin Laden, Al Qaeda, and backward-ass, cave-dwelling, fundamentalist assholes everywhere. On the names of innocent thousands murdered, I pray you spend the rest of eternity with your seventy-two whores roasting in a jet-fuel fire in hell. You towel headed camel jockeys can kiss my royal Irish ass! Fuck Jacob Elinsky, whining malcontent. Fuck Francis Xavier Slaughtery my best friend, judging me while he stares at my girlfriend’s ass. Fuck Naturelle Riviera, I gave her my trust and she stabbed me in the back, sold me up the river, fucking bitch. Fuck my father with his endless grief, standing behind that bar sipping on club sodas, selling whisky to firemen, cheering the Bronx bombers. Fuck this whole city and everyone in it. From the row-houses of Astoria to the penthouses on Park Avenue, from the projects in the Bronx to the lofts in Soho. From the tenements in Alphabet City to the brownstones in Park slope to the split-levels in Staten Island. Let an earthquake crumble it, let the fires rage, let it burn to fucking ash and then let the waters rise and submerge this whole rat-infested place.

Al doilea este de la sfârşit. Dacă aveţi de gând să vedeţi filmul (which I strongly recommend) … citiţi-l după aceea.

We’ll drive. Keep driving. Head out to the middle of nowhere, take that road as far as it takes us. You’ve never been west of Philly, have ya? This is a beautiful country Monty, it’s beautiful out there, like a different world. Mountains, hills, cows, farms, and white churches. I drove out west with your mother one time, before you was born. Brooklyn to the Pacific in three days. Just enough money for gas, sandwiches, and coffee, but we made it. Every man, woman, and child alive should see the desert one time before they die. Nothin’ at all for miles around. Nothin’ but sand and rocks and cactus and blue sky. Not a soul in sight. No sirens. No car alarms. Nobody honkin’ atcha. No madmen cursin’ or pissin’ in the streets. You find the silence out there, you find the peace. You can find God. So we drive west, keep driving till we find a nice little town. These towns out in the desert, you know why they got there? People wanted to get way from somewhere else. The desert’s for startin’ over. Find a bar and I’ll buy us drinks. I haven’t had a drink in two years, but I’ll have one with you, one last whisky with my boy. Take our time with it, taste the barley, let it linger. And then I’ll go. I’ll tell you dont ever write me, dont ever visit, I’ll tell you I believe in God’s kingdom and I’ll see you and your mother again, but not in this lifetime. You’ll get a job somewhere, a job that pays cash, a boss who doesn’t ask questions, and you make a new life and you never come back. Monty, people like you, it’s a gift, you’ll make friends wherever you go. You’re going to work hard, you’re going to keep your head down and your mouth shut. You’re going to make yourself a new home out there. You’re a New Yorker, that won’t ever change. You got New York in your bones. Spend the rest of your life out west but you’re still a New Yorker. You’ll miss your friends, you’ll miss your dog, but you’re strong. You got your mother backbone in you, you’re strong like she was. You find the right people, and you get yourself papers, a drivers license. You forget your old life, you can’t come back, you can’t call, you can’t write. You never look back. You make a new life for yourself and you live it, you hear me? You live your live the way it should have been. But maybe, this is dangerous, but maybe after a few years you send word to Naturelle. You get yourself a new family and you raise them right, you hear me? Give them a good life Monty. Give them what they need. You have a son, maybe you name him James, it’s a good strong name, and maybe one day years from now years after I’m dead and gone reunited with your dear ma, you gather your whole family around and tell them the truth, who you are, where you come from, you tell them the whole story. Then you ask them if they know how lucky there are to be there. It all came so close to never happening. This life came so close to never happening.

Şi din nou … sunt speechless.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. Oana M. permalink
    August 31, 2009 4:59 pm

    La American History X sunt constienta, nu pot sa ma uit. Am vazut cateva secvente si oricat de bun este, pur si simplu, nu. In schimb am de gand sa ma uit la 25th hour. Edward Norton e un actor bun. Mi-a placut in ‘The Painted Veil’ (filmul e super, dar si cartea este interesanta), dar si in filmul light dar interesant ‘The Illusionist’.

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